Escape to Paradise: Cidones' Hidden Gem, Posada Real La Vieja Chimenea-Spa!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving HEADFIRST into ESCAPE TO PARADISE: CIDONES' HIDDEN GEM, POSADA REAL LA VIEJA CHIMENEA-SPA! and it's going to be messy, honest, and hopefully a little bit hilarious. I'm your intrepid traveler, and I've got the lowdown, the inside scoop, and maybe a few too many espresso shots to properly tell you about this place.
First things first: Accessibility. I'm not a wheelchair user myself, so I can't give you a definitive, hands-on review. But the Facilities for disabled guests are listed, and that's a good starting point. You'll want to double-check their specific accessibility features, especially if you have very specific mobility needs. Always call ahead! But I can say that the elevator being listed is a good sign, and they have a 24-hour front desk, always a bonus when you need help.
Okay, now for the meat and potatoes! Let me tell you about the SPA! Oh, the SPA! After a frankly brutal week (my boss, ugh!), I was desperate for some R&R. And let me tell you, walking into that little sanctuary was like stepping through the wardrobe into Narnia… only instead of a lion, there was this ridiculously serene woman with a face mask and a voice that could soothe a rabid badger.
I went for the whole shebang: Body scrub, Body wrap, Massage. The massage? Forget about it! I’m pretty sure I snored. I woke up drooling, mortified… until the masseuse (still smiling that infuriatingly serene smile) just handed me a glass of bubbly. Genius. Pure genius. The whole experience just melted any stress I had! It was the best massage of my life. I'm not even ashamed to say that!
And the Pool with a view? Don’t even get me started. Picture this: you, me, the sun dipping behind the hills, a cocktail in hand (thanks, Poolside bar!), and just… nothing but peace. Bliss. Utter bliss. Okay, maybe there were some screaming kids, but that was hardly their fault; it was just the way of life. The sauna and steam room? Top-notch. I basically lived in that spa for a day, and I don't regret a single minute of it.
Dining, drinking, and snacking: Let's be honest, a good hotel hinges on its food. And Posada Real La Vieja Chimenea-Spa did not disappoint. The Breakfast [buffet] was excellent – although, I have to confess, I'm not a huge fan of the "Asian breakfast" thing. I stuck with the Western breakfast myself, and it was delicious! Freshly squeezed OJ, perfect croissants, and enough bacon to keep me happy for a month. They also had a vegetarian restaurant for all you health-conscious individuals.
I had dinner at the Restaurant, and it was like something out of a fairytale. The international cuisine was fantastic, and the presentation was impeccable. Be warned, the portions are generous! (Which, let's be honest, is never a bad thing.) I did get a little lost with all the menus but, I am always thankful for Room service [24-hour].
Cleanliness and safety: Okay, okay, let's get serious for a sec. In this crazy world, cleanliness is KING. And Posada Real La Vieja Chimenea-Spa gets major points for their attention to detail. I could tell they took it seriously, with all the daily disinfection in common areas, staff trained in safety protocol, and hand sanitizer everywhere! The room sanitization opt-out available made me feel even more comfortable. Seriously impressed with the Anti-viral cleaning products.
My Room: Okay, so my room, my ROOM! It was spacious, comfortable, and incredibly well designed. The air conditioning blasted (thank goodness!), the internet access – wireless was strong (crucial!), and the free Wi-Fi really was free, no hidden charges. The bed was ridiculously comfortable, and the blackout curtains were a godsend for sleeping in. They've thought of everything. I'm talking, bathrobes, slippers, toiletries, coffee maker. The additional toilet saved me from a fight with my roommate.
Things to Do & Getting Around: Cidones is a small town, so you're not going to find a ton of nightlife or buzzing city life. But, that's the point! It's an escape, right? The hotel has a terrace, and if you're feeling adventurous, there's bicycle parking. The car park [free of charge] is a huge plus. If you need a taxi service, they can arrange it. I took several day trips from there.
Now for the messy, honest stuff:
- The Imperfections: Okay, no place is perfect. There was something small: some of the elevator's paint. But, that’s it!
- My Quirky Observation: I became obsessed with the sheer number of plants everywhere. It's like they were trying to create their own little rainforest. I loved it.
- Emotional Reaction: Okay, maybe I didn't cry, but I definitely felt a wave of pure, unadulterated relaxation wash over me. It was glorious.
- Stream-of-Consciousness: I forgot to pack sunscreen! Luckily, the Gift/souvenir shop had everything!
Here’s the deal, my friends:
This place. It is an oasis. It is a sanctuary. It is a well-deserved hug after a long, hard year.
HERE’S MY OFFER, MY PITCH, MY CALL TO ACTION!!
Tired of the grind? Need a total escape? Escape to Paradise: Cidones' Hidden Gem, Posada Real La Vieja Chimenea-Spa!
Book your stay NOW and experience:
- Unparalleled relaxation in a stunning spa. Treat yourself for a couple of days. You deserve it!
- Delicious food and drinks to tantalize your taste buds.
- Impeccable service and attention to detail. Every time I asked, I got the answer.
- A chance to reconnect with yourself and the beauty of life.
- And with our current promotion, you'll receive a complimentary bottle of Prosecco on arrival! (Because, why not?)
Stop reading reviews and just book it! You won't regret it. You'll wake up feeling healthier, happier, and ready to tackle whatever life throws your way. Trust me on this one. BOOK YOUR ESCAPE TODAY! [Insert Link here]!
Luxury KL Studio Suites: Setapak Central's Hidden Gem!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your sanitized, brochure-perfect itinerary. This is the real deal, a messy, love-it-or-leave-it account of my potential Spanish "wellness retreat" at Posada Real La Vieja Chimenea-Spa in Cidones. And trust me, it won't be all sangria and sunshine.
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Spa Ambush (or, "Where's My Damn Towel?")
Morning (A.M. for you sticklers): Flight. Let's just say the journey wasn't glamorous. Think lukewarm airplane coffee, a screaming toddler (whose parents were the picture of exhausted apathy, bless them!), and a near-miss with a rogue bag in the overhead compartment. I arrived at the hotel a crumpled mess, clutching my passport like a life raft.
Afternoon: Found the hotel. It's gorgeous, all exposed beams and stone walls, the kind that whispers "rustic charm" (or, as my internal voice snarkily puts it, "dust and potential spiders"). The check-in? Smooth, thankfully. The room? Lovely. Big, airy, with a view of… something. The surrounding landscape wasn't exactly the Costa Brava; it's more like countryside, very rural.
- Lunch: The hotel restaurant. Ordered something vaguely Spanish in the hope I would get a taste of Spain. Turns out the closest thing to a "tasty" was the bread, and it's just bread. The rest of the lunch? Meh. Decided to embrace the uncertainty.
Late Afternoon/Early Evening: The Spa. Oh, the Spa. The whole reason I booked this trip. I’d saved up for a whole year! I practically ran to the spa, visions of eucalyptus-scented bliss dancing in my head. Reality? A bit… different. There was a slight miscommunication (okay, I messed up the reservation time), and I was thrown into the deep end with everyone else. The spa was beautiful. All exposed stone and trickling fountains, an oasis of tranquility. But! The sauna was intense. Like, "I feel like my skin is melting off" intense. And the jacuzzi jets? Let's just say they were more "power wash" than "gentle massage." I think I may have squeaked a little. It was all a blur of steam, and I emerged feeling more like a boiled lobster than a pampered guest.
Dinner: The food, oh the food. I learned my lesson from lunch and opted for the simplest thing: a plate of local cheese and chorizo. It was actually quite good, especially with the local wine. I sat there, slightly damp and smelling faintly of eucalyptus, contemplating my life choices.
Evening: Back in the room, watching the scenery. I tried the TV and found one channel that had English subtitles, but it was a Spanish soap opera. So I took a walk in the gardens, and it was a bit eerie, but nice to get the fresh air into my lungs and walk around.
Day 2: Culture Shock and a Near-Disaster with a Goat (or, "Am I in a Hallmark Movie?")
Morning: Breakfast. Ate so much. It really was a feast. The coffee was strong, the pastries were flaky, and the staff was shockingly cheerful. I decided to embrace the “eat everything” mindset.
- Excursion: Out into the countryside! I decided to explore the area, armed with my terrible Spanish and a map that looked like it was drawn by a toddler (possibly me). The town of Cidones is tiny, seriously, you can cross it on foot in about five minutes. Found a local market (massive, apparently, which was funny because I expected a small one). Everything was so cheap! Took a lot of photos.
Afternoon: After walking everywhere I could, I visited a local farm. I was immediately bombarded with animals, which I love. The goat situation, though… Let’s just say there was a goat. A very determined goat. It locked eyes with me, saw my camera, and decided I was its mortal enemy. I found myself cornered, screaming, and convinced I was about to be head-butted into oblivion (which, let's be honest, would have been a very dramatic start to the day). Somehow, I escaped.
Late Afternoon/Early Evening: Back at the hotel, nursing my near-goat-trauma. Re-visited the spa again, this time for a swim. Went for a swim, and it was very relaxing. Tried the other treatments. They were good, but nothing special.
Dinner: Ate so much again!
- Evening: Decided to attempt a proper night's sleep. I failed.
Day 3: Departure and the Bitter-Sweet Goodbye (or, "So, What Did I Really Learn?")
Morning: Awoke feeling refreshed from the sleep the night before. This trip really did well with my mind and body. I've been going through a lot of trauma. It's hard to speak about it, but I finally found a place where I could rest in peace.
- Breakfast: Last breakfast. Ate a lot, as always.
- Check Out: The check-out process was easy. The lady at the desk was very nice.
Afternoon: The flight home. Slightly less traumatic this time.
Evening: Arrived home.
Overall Assessment:
Positives: The hotel is gorgeous. The spa is fantastic (when you’re not being attacked by steam or goats). The area is stunning, with a lot to see and do.
Negatives: The food is so-so. The countryside is a bit empty, which can be good and bad. The language barrier is a barrier.
Final Verdict: I'd recommend it, with caveats. Come prepared to embrace the unexpected, pack your sense of humor, and maybe invest in a goat-repellent spray. Most importantly: be willing to laugh at yourself, because trust me, you will have moments where you want to cry or run for the hills. But that is how memories are made.
This is not the perfect retreat I envisioned, but in its own messy, imperfect way, it was worth it.
Important Reminder: This itinerary is a fictional account, based on my interpretation and imagination. I am not liable for anyone’s misadventures!
Unveiling Chateau de la Motte: France's Hidden Gem You NEED to See!
Escape to Paradise? More Like... Escaping Reality & Finding My Sanity at Posada Real La Vieja Chimenea-Spa! (Maybe)
Okay, First Things First: Is this "Escape to Paradise" really paradise… or some overly-Instagrammed fantasy?
The Spa! The Spa! Was the Spa… *spa-erific*?
The Rooms... are they actually cozy, or just pretending to be?
Food. Let's talk food. Am I going to be eating bread and ham for three days straight?
The Staff - are they friendly or just *pretending*?
Anything I *didn't* like? Be honest!
Would you go back? Even if the sheep are judging you again?
