Unbelievable Roque-House Tenerife: Your Dream Vacation Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving HEADFIRST into the Unbelievable Roque-House Tenerife: Your Dream Vacation Awaits! This isn't gonna be your typical bland travel review. I'm gonna tell you the TRUTH. And the truth, folks, is often messy, beautiful, and occasionally, a little bit… bonkers.
First off, "Unbelievable"? Bold claim. Let's see if they live up to the hype. And by "see," I mean, let me TELL you! Accessibility and That Whole Ball of Wax
Alright, so, accessibility. HUGE for me. I appreciate a place that thinks about everyone. The website says they have facilities for disabled guests. Now, I haven’t personally carted around a wheelchair to fully assess it, but I've done some digging. They have an elevator, which is a BIG win. They also (according to their website, again, take it with a grain of salt!) have some specially adapted rooms. My advice? If you need these, CALL. Don’t assume. Verify. Then, double-check! Because disappointment on arrival sucks. That being said, and this is a personal hope, the 24-hour front desk? That helps. And the fact that they have a doorman? Maybe, just maybe, someone can help you with the baggage.
Cleanliness & Safety – Is It Actually Safe in Here?!
Okay, this is where it gets REALLY interesting. The world is batshit crazy right now. So, how does Roque-House fare? They claim to be all over it. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Check. Hand sanitizer? Check. They even have that thing where they sterilize… stuff. They also claim to have professional-grade sanitizing services. Okay, that's impressive.
Important Note: This is where the "opt-out" option for room sanitization is somewhat disturbing. Why would you want to NOT have them sanitize your room? Maybe you're a germaphobe who packed his own hazmat suit, but generally you'd expect it, and want it.
Physical distancing of at least 1 meter? Well, that depends on the guests, doesn't it? They can only provide the space. My paranoid side suspects they're using "distance" as a convenient excuse for not having a lot of staff around. Just a thought.
And of course, the most important part, CCTV and security. They have both!
Internet & Tech…God Bless the Modern World!
Okay, the internet. Crucial. I NEED my internet. We all do. They promise Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! and Internet [LAN]. Which, honestly, is a bit old-school but, hey. You can't go wrong, they also offer WIFI in the public areas. Fantastic! That's a solid win for someone who needs to work (me).
However, the lack of a firm specification on Internet services itself makes me wonder. Like, do they just have internet? Or is it reliable? And what's the speed? These are the questions that keep me up at night. Because if you're like me, and work remotely, a dodgy connection is a vacation killer.
For The Kids: Baby!
Babysitting service? Good for parents! Family/child friendly? Yay! Kids facilities? I like that. Kids meal? Brilliant! So that's good for families looking to take a holiday in Tenerife.
Dining, Drinking, And Snacking: Oh My Taste Buds!
Alright, the food. This is where things can go sideways fast. They have a bunch of options listed, which on paper is great. A la carte restaurant, a buffet, coffee shop, room service (24-hour)… Honestly, the 24-hour room service gets me. Imagine, jet-lagged at 3 AM, craving a burger. Heaven!
Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant? Good catering! It suggests a certain level of diversity. That said, buffet in a restaurant? I can see the germophobe in me shudder.
Poolside bar? Yes, please! That’s a vacation essential, right there.
Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, Snack bar? I'm already picturing myself there, slightly sunburnt, a cocktail in hand.
Bottle of water? Always appreciated.
The Big Question: Does it Taste Good?! I haven't tried the food, but this is the kind of area you can get a general idea of, based on other reviews. But more on that later!
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Make Life Easier (Or Not)
This is where a hotel really shines. Air conditioning in public areas? Essential in Tenerife. Concierge, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman? Good. Elevator? (See accessibility above!) Laundry service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes? Yay. Dry cleaning? Okay, that's a nice touch, you know, when you spill red wine on your favourite shirt. Convenience store? That’s handy for picking up essentials.
The "Meetings & Events" Section: Yikes!
Meetings/banquet facilities, Outdoor venue for special events, Seminars, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Indoor venue for special events… Okay, I get it. They cater to events. That's fine. But it also might mean a lot of… groups. And groups can equal noise and chaos. Not exactly the relaxing vacation picture. Also, they've got a shrine? Interesting. (I have no idea how that plays out)
Getting around: Easy Breezy or a Nightmare?
Airport transfer, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, Valet parking - All of these are provided, so that covers travel.
Things to do? Ways to relax? Spa Days and Sauna Fun!
This is where I got REALLY intrigued. They offer a swimming pool [outdoor] and the Pool with view!. That's a given.
But the spa… Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Massage, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom … Okay, Roque-House, you have my attention.
Here's MY personal experience with spas. I am a total sucker for a good massage. And a bad one can ruin your entire day. So, the idea of a whole slew of spa treatments? Sign me up. Imagine, sinking into a bubbling hot tub. The tension just MELTS away. The steamroom? (I love a bit of the steam!) Just thinking about it is making me want to book right now! I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I've walked out of a spa feeling a million times better.
The Rooms: Your Private Oasis (Hopefully!)
Okay, the rooms themselves. This is where it really comes down to the details. They list a TON of stuff. Air conditioning, Bathrobes, Blackout curtains, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, In-room safe box, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Mini bar, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Slippers, Smoke detector, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free].
This is a fairly standard list. The important thing? Does it work? Does the air conditioning actually cool? Is the Wi-Fi strong enough for streaming? Do the blackout curtains actually block out the light? These are all things you'll learn quickly once you arrive. I would be interested in the "opening window" because that seems rare these days.
The Quirks and the Imperfections: (Because No Place is Perfect!)
Room sanitization opt-out available - Again, why the opt-out?
Pets allowed unavailable - Sad for some, but at least they are clear about this.
Proposal spot - A nice touch, but weird.
The Verdict (And Why You Should Book!)
Okay, so, Unbelievable Roque-House Tenerife: Your Dream Vacation Awaits! Is it unbelievable? Well, I don't know yet, because I haven't been there! (I'm planning my own trip!) But based on what I've researched, it's certainly promising.
Here's the deal:
- The Good: Great location! Fantastic amenities (especially that spa!). Solid safety protocols. Good for families, and couples.
- The "Needs Improvement": Accessibility needs
Roque-House Revelation: A Tenerife Tango (or, The Trip That Almost Broke Me)
Okay, buckle up buttercups. This isn't your pristine, perfectly-edited travel blog. This is the messy, sweaty, slightly-hungover truth about my trip to Roque-House, Tenerife. Prepare for opinions, rambling, and the very real possibility of tears (mostly from laughter, hopefully).
Day 1: Arrival and the Infamous Rental Car
- Morning (ish): Arrive at Tenerife South Airport (TFS). The sun is BRUTAL. Already regretting packing that sensible cardigan.
- Transportation Disaster: Okay, remember those sleek, sporty rentals in the brochures? Yeah, well, I got the "slightly used forklift with a steering wheel" model. It smelled vaguely of cigarettes and desperation. The lady at the rental desk, bless her heart, just shrugged and said, "It's autentico!" Authentic to what, exactly? A post-apocalyptic road trip?
- The Drive: Finally, fighting the urge to burst into tears and give up, I point the beast towards Roque-House. The GPS lady (who sounds suspiciously like my nagging aunt) keeps telling me to turn. And turn. And TURN. The roads are a rollercoaster of hairpin bends that my rental car is definitely not designed for. My stomach is doing flips. I'm pretty sure I aged a decade on that drive.
- Arrival at Roque-House: Finally! The house itself is gorgeous. Seriously, the views are breathtaking. Think dramatic volcanic cliffs, an ocean that looks like liquid sapphires, and… absolute silence. It's unnerving. I spend a good hour just staring at the view, trying to convince myself I'm not going to be murdered by a rogue goat (which, incidentally, I saw earlier).
- Dinner (and a Near-Disaster): I'm starving. I attempt to cook, which is where things get truly interesting. Let's just say I set off the smoke alarm. Twice. I'm pretty sure I burned the entire pan of garlic bread. My culinary skills: nonexistent. Ended up eating a packet of crisps for dinner. Victory? Maybe not.
Day 2: Hiking Hell (and Heavenly Views)
- Morning: Wake up to the sun streaming in. The view still takes my breath away, even with the lingering smell of burnt bread. Today: hiking! I've packed my "sensible" hiking boots (bless me), a bottle of water that is going to be my life support, and a determination to… well, not die.
- The Hike: We're talking about the well-known Mount Teide hike. The trail's steep. It's long. And I am woefully unprepared. The first hour involves a lot of huffing, puffing, and questioning my life choices. Then, the views. Oh. My. God. The volcanic landscape is otherworldly. Like being on Mars. I feel a surge of pure, unadulterated joy. I'm actually doing this.
- Mid-Hike Snaps: The camera is my only companion. Taking a break, I took a picture of the sky to prove I was actually here - and that I wasn't just dreaming.
- The Descent (and the existential crisis): The downward part is just as bad, but in a different way. My knees are screaming. Every muscle is aching. I'm pretty sure I'll need a week in a spa after this. I have a moment where I think about my life, and where it is going.
- Evening: Back at Roque-House, I promptly collapse on the sofa, covered in sweat and volcanic dust. I am a MESS. The view from the sofa, however, is beautiful. I'm not sure where I got to in my life, but it's here, and it's beautiful, too. I open a bottle of wine and stare at the stars, feeling a strange mix of exhaustion and profound happiness.
Day 3: Black Sand Beaches and a Terrible Attempt at Surfing
- Morning: The next day, after a nice, long sleep, I decide I'm ready to embrace the sunshine (and the inevitable sunburn). Today: beach day!
- Beach Exploration: The black sand beaches in Tenerife are something else. The sand is like tiny, volcanic diamonds. I spent an hour just wandering, feeling the heat on my skin, the sun on my cheeks, and listening to the sound of the ocean for the first time in ages.
- Surfing… Fail (Epic Fail): I decide to get adventurous. I sign up for a beginner surfing lesson. "Beginner" is clearly a relative term. After a brief demonstration, I'm dumped in the ocean. The instructor seems to have given up on me pretty quickly. Let's just say I spent more time tasting seawater than riding waves. I suspect I looked like a beached whale trying to mate with a surfboard. My ego is bruised. My body aches. But honestly, the whole experience was hilarious. I'm going to be laughing about this one for years.
- Dinner and Reflections: I treat myself to tapas at a local restaurant, watching the sunset over the ocean. The food is amazing. The wine is flowing. I chat to a couple from Germany, trading travel stories. It hits me that I am living. I feel a sense of peace.
Day 4: The Fish Market and the Art of Doing Nothing (But Very Well)
- Morning: I wander into the closest fish market that I can find. The array of fresh, glistening fish is stunning. The shopkeepers are friendly, even when I fail miserably at butchering a fish for my lunch.
- Afternoon: I spent the rest of the day reading a book on a sun lounger, doing absolutely nothing. No emails, no obligations, just the sound of the waves and the warmth of the sun. It was pure bliss.
- Evening: I sat on the balcony with a glass of local wine and the perfect sky. The colors were just mesmerizing. I realized this trip wasn't about ticking boxes or seeing as many sights as possible. It was about slowing down, breathing deep, and appreciating the simple things.
Day 5: Departure and the Bitter-Sweet Goodbye
- Morning: The last morning. I pack my bag, eat the last of the crisps, and give the demonic rental car one last glare.
- The Drive Back: The drive back to the airport is less terrifying this time. Maybe I'm getting used to the roller coaster roads. Maybe I'm just too emotionally exhausted to care anymore.
- Departure: As the plane takes off, I look back at Tenerife. It was messy. It was imperfect. It was everything I needed.
Final Thoughts:
This wasn't a perfect trip. Far from it. But it was real. It was raw. And it was utterly unforgettable. Tenerife, you beautiful, chaotic island, you. I'll be back. Eventually. And maybe I'll learn to drive a manual before then. Maybe. Until then, au revoir, and thanks for the unforgettable journey.
Escape to Paradise: Kim Little Hotel's Dalat Dream
Okay, Seriously... Is Unbelievable Roque-House *actually* Unbelievable? I've seen the pictures. Are they fake?
Alright, let's be real. I'm a sucker for a good Instagram ad, just like the next person. And yes, the photos of Roque-House are stunning. *Stunning*. Jaw-dropping, even. I went in expecting some filter magic, some forced angles... and I was genuinely shocked. The photos are... *understated*. Yeah, I said it. The reality is even BETTER. Seriously. The air is thinner, the colours are brighter, the damn *stars* at night? Forget about it. They practically sing lullabies.
How do I actually *book* this mythical Roque-House? I'm not particularly tech-savvy, and frankly, booking websites stress me out.
Look, I get it. Booking websites are a minefield. You're one wrong click away from accidentally renting a yurt in Siberia. But fear not! Roque-House is mostly booked through their website, which, surprisingly, is super user-friendly. I managed it, and my tech abilities peak with turning on the TV. Just click the "Book Now" button (it's big and obvious, thank God), choose your dates, and get ready to feel slightly overwhelmed by the sheer bliss that's about to hit you. Seriously, the pre-trip excitement is almost too much. I paced for DAYS.
How do I actually *get* to Roque-House? Public transport? Do I need to rent a car? My driving skills are… questionable.
Okay, so here's the deal. Roque-House is nestled in a fairly remote spot. Public transport might *technically* be an option, but trust me, you *need* a car. The roads are windy, the views are incredible (distracting!), and the freedom to explore Tenerife at your own pace is priceless. Renting a car is pretty straightforward at the airport. Just, uh, maybe brush up on your parallel parking beforehand. Seriously. Take it from someone who almost took out a rental Fiat trying.
I'm worried about the language barrier! I speak… enough Spanish to order a beer. Will I be okay?
"Enough Spanish to order a beer." Oh, honey, welcome to my level! (or perhaps a slightly upgraded version). Honestly, you'll be fine. Most people in the tourist areas speak at least some English. And even if there's a language hiccup, a smile and a bit of pointing go a long way. Just remember "hola" is the magic word. Trust me, I got by. Even managed to (accidentally) order a whole roasted rabbit once. Learn from my mistakes, people! Know your food vocabulary!
What are the rooms actually *like*? The photos are gorgeous, but do they feel lived in, or like a hotel showroom?
Right, the rooms. Ah, the rooms. They're not hotel showrooms. They're… *dream cocoons*. Seriously. Think cozy, stylish, and packed with personality. The decor is gorgeous, but it feels like a home, not a pristine, sterile space. Every little detail – the artwork, the throws, the comfy beds (oh, the beds!) – makes you want to just curl up and disappear. It's… pure bliss. I spent an obscene amount of time just staring out the window.
Tell me about the pool! It looks incredible. Is it freezing? Are there a lot of people in it? Do I need to share? (I don't like sharing...)
THE POOL. Oh, the pool. Okay, so let's get this straight: the pool *is* incredible. It's infinity-edged, overlooking a breathtaking vista, and it's definitely a highlight. Was it freezing? No. Refreshing, yes, but not bone-chilling. Do you need to share? Well, it depends. Roque-House has multiple units, but it never felt overcrowded when I was there. It definitely had its moments when it felt like my own private oasis. The best part? I spent the entire afternoon with a book, a cocktail, and the sun on my face. Pure, unadulterated, selfish joy. I'd go back *just* for the pool.
Is there Wi-Fi? Because, you know… gotta stay connected (even on vacation, sigh).
Yes, there's Wi-Fi. BUT. Here's where I confess to a slight panic. On one level, the Wi-Fi is a lifeline. On another level, the utter beauty of the place makes you want to ditch the digital world entirely. I found myself constantly battling the urge to unplug. The Wi-Fi is decent, enough to check emails and post some envy-inducing photos of that pool. But honestly? Try to disconnect. Your brain will thank you. And also, maybe warn whoever you're with that you *might* be unreachable. They'll get over it. (Probably).
What about food? Is there a kitchen? Where do I eat, or do I need to forage for my survival? (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating...)
Okay, listen. The kitchen situation depends on the specific unit you book, but most of them have fully equipped kitchens. That said, if you're like me and your culinary skills peak with microwaving leftovers… don't worry! Tenerife is a foodie paradise. Seriously. Eat ALL the tapas. ALL of them. There are amazing restaurants within a short drive, and the local markets are bursting with fresh produce. I ate so much, I swear I gained five pounds. Worth it. Every. Single. Bite. Don't be shy about asking the staff for recommendations. They know all the best local spots (and they also know where to get the absolute *best* ice cream).
Any tips on what *not* to do (or what to overdo) while at Roque-House?
Okay, here's the unfiltered truth. **Don't**: underestimate the sun. Seriously. Slap on the SPF like your life depends on it. And maybe bring some aloe vera. Trust me. Also, **don't** stress about trying to cram everything into your trip. Tenerife is amazing and you can't possibly do it all in one trip! **Do** overdo the tapas. And the wine. And theStayin The Heart
